I Asked AI How to Stop Getting In My Own Way. Here's What It Missed.

I did something recently that I think you'll find interesting.

Especially if you’re one of those people who wonder what life will be like with AI everywhere.

I spent some time using ChatGPT as my therapist.

I wanted to see what it would recommend for women who are tired of fighting themselves.

The kind of exhausting push-pull where one part says "go for it" and another says "don't bother."

The voice that says I’m not good enough and never will be.

The one that talks you out of everything before you've even started.

ChatGPT gave some advice that was quite valuable, actually:

Name the inner critic, it said. Breathe slowly. Take one small step against whatever it's telling you. Remind yourself that you are in charge now. Forcibly tell the parts involved that they are not the authority over you.

I sat with this for a while.

At first I was a bit dismayed–maybe AI will be replacing humans after all.

Then I thought:

This is exactly what most women have already tried. For years. Sometimes decades.

Then I felt encouraged, thanks to what I've noticed, working with women and on myself.

When you try to fight that voice, to push through it or shut it down, it tends to get louder.

More dug in.

Because that's what any living thing does when it feels attacked or dismissed.

Think about someone in your life who is stubborn and cranky.

What happens when you tell them that they have no say here?

Does that ease their crankiness?

Does it harden them?

Our inner parts are no different.

What ChatGPT got right, and where it stopped short

To be fair, ChatGPT did say something useful.

It pointed out that my very ability to notice these patterns-the going around in circles, the same old habits-- suggests there is also wisdom in me.

A part that can observe, reflect, and choose.

This is true. And it's actually central to the work I do.

But then it had no idea what to do with that wisdom.

It couldn't tell me how to access it, or bring it into conversation with the parts of me that are still spinning their wheels.

It just moved on after encouraging me to stand up for myself.

That gap, between noticing you keep getting in your own way and actually doing something lasting about it--that's where many approaches fall short.

Including most of the advice you'll find online.

And apparently, from AI.

So what actually helps

The approach that creates lasting change is almost the opposite of what ChatGPT recommended.

Instead of trying to shut down that difficult voice, we get curious about it.

Instead of telling it that it has no say, we ask what it's been trying to protect.

Instead of pushing past it, we slow down enough to actually listen to it.

This requires a particular kind of courage.

The willingness to turn toward the parts of yourself you've spent years trying to override.

The one that scares you.

The ones that carry shame.

The ones that hold a rage you don't quite know what to do with.

These aren't places we're usually encouraged to go.

And it often takes real bravery to stay there.

What helps is seeing these parts differently.

I've found again and again that even the most exhausting, relentless ones developed for very good reasons.

They were doing their best with what was available at the time.

When they feel genuinely listened to rather than pushed away, something shifts.

Not all at once.

But something real moves. And the first steps out of your own way are taken.

An image that comes to mind is approaching a wounded animal.

You wouldn't walk straight up to it and tell it to calm down.

You'd use a soft voice, move slowly, offer something without forcing it.

Give it time to understand that you mean it no harm. That you're actually on its side.

This is the beginning of what I call befriending your the voices that hold you back. And it is very different from trying to fight, ignore or push past them.

In the coming weeks, I'll walk through what this actually looks like in practice.

What you're listening for.

What these parts are usually trying to protect.

And what becomes possible once they feel genuinely heard.

If this resonates and you're ready to explore this more deeply, I'd love to hear from you.

A free 15-minute call is a good place to start.

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