When Feeling Calm Feels Too Hard

After the running the recent Wisdom Within workshop, something struck me: some women described feeling a deep calm, a soft quietness, a sense of finally feeling themselves again. Others said something different: "I wanted to feel calm… but I couldn't reach anything. My mind was racing."

I want to talk about this today — because what feels like a "lack of calm" is often something else entirely.

Why Some People Can Access Calm… and Others Can't (Yet)

When we've spent decades holding everything together — caring for family, managing crises, staying competent, staying strong — the body adapts. It learns vigilance. It learns to brace. It learns to stay on alert long after the situation has passed.

The body adapts to protect us. Trauma researchers like Peter Levine and Bessel van der Kolk call this "the body keeping the score" — and it explains why overwhelming or unprocessed experiences don't just live in the mind, they shape the nervous system. The logical mind might say, "I'm fine, that was years ago," while the body quietly holds the tension.

This is why some women in the workshop slipped naturally into calm… while others met a wall of numbness, noise, or restlessness. Not because they're doing it wrong. But because parts of them don't yet trust calm. Or it is so unfamiliar to them that they don't know where to start.

A Story (Composite Client)

One woman I once worked with described feeling "blank" every time she attempted an inner exercise. No calm. No insight. Just a kind of numbness all over.

As we explored, a very protective part of her revealed itself — a part that had spent years keeping her functional by staying hyper-aware, and by blocking any hint of feeling pain or strong emotions. It wasn't trying to block her. It was trying to keep her safe.

Over time, as this part felt seen and understood, it was able to loosen its grip on her. Moments of calm began to appear — not forced, not imagined — but felt in her body and sensations.

This is how inner work unfolds: gently, respectfully, and in relationship with the parts that have carried so much for so long.

This Is Why I Created the Self-Trust Toolkit

Reconnecting with calm isn't about trying harder. It's about gentle, consistent practices that help your nervous system remember safety.

For anyone who struggles to access calm, clarity, or inner steadiness — this toolkit offers a gentle daily practice to:

• soften self-criticism

• ease nervous system tension

• reconnect with your inner guidance

• build trust in your own voice

• feel more like yourself again

It's an introduction to the slow, steady way to shift long-held patterns without pressure.

Link to Toolkit

Wherever You Are

Whether calm feels close or completely out of reach — please know this:

There is nothing wrong with you! There is no pressure to get this "right." Your body is protecting you in the only way it knows how.

And it can learn to trust ease again.